Saturday, June 27, 2009


i fucking HATE how quick fights end in a house.
then it's like nothing happened and everything is alright.
move on and act as if nothing happened.

im like the only one who doesnt get this or something.
sounds like someones yelling so much and hating someone so much its as if they're about to kill you or bite someone like a rabid dog. seriously? then next second everything is alright?

what is wrong with this fucking person?

i'm sorry.
but it's true, and this shit has to be fucking told.

i'll never understand this and whenever i bring it up in a discussion randomly because (apparently that's how i'm supposed to talk) they have NO CLUE what i'm talking about and this is completely random.

"what is going on." she asks the television confused with what just happened. you miss a lot yelling i guess don't you.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

mistake cake

i made a cake last night.
wow it's like im making sure all the sites i have an account on, im saying this on.
its like im making sure EVERYONE KNOWS this. whhaaat.

but its pretty awesome because instead of adding vanilla extract i added something else & it tastes even better.

so i guess... despite some people thinking that i think of symbolism too much and i think of symbolism or w/e too much ><

but don't be afraid of making mistakes. bc it might be even better than the original plan intended. =]

haha. wow.. yeah, that's all i guess.

a good song is 6 months by hey monday. (i just borrowed it from a friend to save to computer).

Sunday, June 7, 2009

help by not helpingg -__-

you know what reeeally bothers me? when people just don't answer you & they change the subject. or they censor what you hear. or they treat you like a child when they're the same age.

just gaaaaah -__-

it's just really bothersome you know? but you get used to it i guess. when its supposed to protect you. but i'm tired of being 'protected'. i can protect myself. i know you want to help others, but help by not helping. it works just the same and i don't mean it in a bad way.


is this some kind of sickness i have? or some kind of sickness that other people have?
because when they hear a certain song or certain types of songs they get goosebumps. or they get goosebumps when its a certain temperature. or when they think about someone they get those goosebumps.


yea i think i'm an odd one out because i've really never gotten goosebumps about a song. i've never been bothered by that temperature when im standing next to them and they're freezing and i'm fine. while they think of someone they're perhaps in love with but not really, they're getting those goosebumps. if i ever thought of someone who i thought was amazing, and i don't say love but who i really like, i don't get goosebumps.

maybe everyone else is the odd ones out, because they keep getting these skin problems.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

wow just had a thought

so i watched the trailer for milk. i didn't know much about it. it's weird, haha i watched it because of.. i think the guy everyone thought was gay from high school musical was in it? i mean everyone thinks everyone from that school is gay.. but specifically the blonde guy. LUCAS..something. yea hes in that movie milk.

so i watched the trailer because i already heard so much about it and apparently its really good looking and i really want to watch it haha.

and the guy asked a question that if two guys could reproduce, and the guy had a good comeback but i had a thought that like not even two couples who are a boy&girl cant reproduce themselves. so in technical terms for you know "society" and, the good of the future? they are the same as a gay couple. so why can't they get married? i wish they could just have a press conference or something and just address everyones questions. oh god that sounds stupid -_-

gahhh stubborn. so stupid i hate this.

there isnt any answer. we're just going to keep arguing until we all die in a nuclear war. that sounds lovely =] ha

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

news & honestly my life right now?

i deleted my twitter. it was just wasting my time as much as i liked it.
i'm thinking of deleting my dailybooth account.. it's wasting my time too..
i might get another one of these accounts this summer you never know.

i just don't like having all of my thoughts on record here online... it's just suddenly hitting me that i don't like having it all on record. i'm kind of paranoid =\


i put some of my videos away on youtube, the ones i didn't like as much. but some are still there. lol like half. i'm working on some more. like.. 3 more? takes time though. gaah. taking forever. i might just make two though bc off the top of my head i can only think of the 2 ... grr... memory -_-

o well maybe ill think of more. you never know. :) i dont like my ideas, but eh oh well. who cares.

IN OTHER NEWS of my life...
i think its about to be ruined. ive been thinking this for a while. then again i dont really think this, but in other peoples terms i think that THEYD think that my life would be ruined. lol. people who dont really have anything to do would ruin my life.

oh well. nothing i can really do about it. i mean no one ever really takes "my side" even though they always take a side, lol. i guess bc i dont believe in sides and dont appear to show feelings and talk and things like that they choose the people that are funny and show any character.
oh well. congratulations to them. they made me so upset, they make me smile =] lol. i didnt know anybody could do that haha.
paranoia for ya. -_-

Monday, May 25, 2009

walmart shizz is whack

DUDE not cool. this made me hate wal mart even more. "it's the company's long-standing policy not to stock any CD with a parental advisory sticker."
basically they're just not selling the green day CD and this really bothers me. they wanted to censor what they were saying. haha probably the song horseshoes and handgrenades ;] well other songs too but w/e

they said no. (BC THEYRE AWESOME LIKE THAT...yea) so its not selling at walmarrrt.

they're still selling millionssss of albums. (exaggeration ..yeeea) but like they said, for smaller bands, who are trying to get their songs out there, and big companies like walmart are trying to censor you. yeeea. -_- i dunno... just something i dont know how to explain that just bothers me...

i wonder how many bands havent been able to get their songs out there because of companies like this :\ dude that sucks.
GAH.i hate wal mart. i mean i kind of always have... but grr.

i mean i GUESS i understand their policy -_- if some kids just waltz in.. and buy random CDs? ..or something? dont want to buy some CD that has a track full of some guy going.. THIS SHIZZ IS WHACK YO MOTHATRUCKA DON TRY ND DENY WHAT UP.
then say the same thing to their little kiddie friends because they heard it in a song, because its the cool thing to do. right? right! :D idunno.

but REALLY?! noo...parental advisory stickers cds? thats what.. art is i think though.. taking risks and making people question. but not even selling it? thats not cool. gawww. annoying. do you even sell dane cook albums? he curses. lots of comedians (that are FUNNY) do. i bet your employees curse. better fire them :) curses dont even matterr theyre just words used to make a point. like alll words. like a level of rage. for some people anyway. for others theyre just common words. so who cares? we all know them. if people are trying to protect the CHILDREN they probably know them already. haha. i know kids in 2nd grade who are all BETCH PUHLEEESE! its scary 0_o. when you try and avoid something, you just end up meeting it sooner lulz.

ha i got mine at target. didnt even bother looking at walmart :)

dude is so ridiculous. & did i seriously like write a little kinda letter to walmart? oh god...

Sunday, May 24, 2009


GAHHH today was so much fun =]
i woke up at my friends house came home and got ready for this ... i really do not know what to call it? but this band had like an open rehearsal i guess you could say and it was on their driveway and we had food and some laughs AND IT WAS A JOLLY GOOD TIME had by one and all haha.
they were so gooood. then like we heard this original song that sounded really good. i mean i cant specifically hear these lyrics but w/e. the music sounded awesome dude. i cant say im good at any of these instruments, so shyaa they got skillzzz. they played 2 songs with no other practice and it was SO good. the guy even broke like 2 strings or something baha. "thats how hardcore i am" lulz
i JUST wish i remembered theyre name GRRR all i keep thinking about is driveshaft -_-

then my friend had to go home and she couldnt go by herself? so i went with herrr and we came baaack and then we ROASTED MARSHMALLOWS and made SMORES and it was SO MUCH FUN and AWESOME =]]]
then we lit firecrackers in the fire pit thing lol that was so awesome looking and gaah.
ha i even recorded that on my phone. haha even on the background someone was playing green day on her ipod and its so loud and you can see these awesome firecrackers.

ha then we watched the grudge. not that scary dude. just... the kind of stupidly scary? eh. lately i find all scaryish movies that way. maybe i need to find a genuinely SCARY movie. bc lately theyre just not SCARING me. theyre just eh thats bloody. eh thats shockingly right there in my face but who gives a cotton picking darn.

some of us played rockband too. that was funn. drums ef tee dubya(ftw) ! then i played bass bc bassist wanted to play drums. drums is a workout lol. ive only played the game 3 times but its really awesome. i wish i could get it but w/evsss.

ANNND im going to the green day CONCERT so excited ^_^
this summerrr <333333

thats my day really. REALLY awesome and i kind of loved it a lot !!
now im watching black beauty. danny elfman composed the musssic. or director of music? i dunno i cant think right now. he was da composerrr. i think the horse is irish. the accent sometimes distracts me.

Friday, May 22, 2009

laugh at yourself and move on

Went to see the psychiatrist yesterday. Played green day all the way there and back :3 hehe.
Also what happened yesterday was something funny. My friend didn't think it was funny, rather something really embarrassing but i laughed it off. That kind of makes me look really retarded but oh well :]

We walked in the store and she got what she needed and then i was all AH ORANGED NAILPOLISH! (keep in mind orange nail polish goes like THAT in this store, seriously) and she usually pays for me because i guess we're so close, I just ask? It doesnt matter. And I was all OMG SERIOUSLY THEY NEVER HAVE ORANGE! and there was like one left lol. the girl was staring at me because she knew me and im homeschooled and they dont see me anymore. eh oh well. She ended up giving me a dollar "You owe me a dollar'. But then she wanted an arizona ice tea, because it was hot-ish out and we were walking. We kind of still argued i think? the girl still looked at us.. the homeschooling reason i think. that and we're very loud me and my friend compared to the old people as it were..
I ended up putting the orange back and she ended up not getting her arizona ice tea. But while putting the nail polish back, I still had the dollar that she needed. (and i quote that she said while giving it to me too- i might need that dollar for the tea). Turns out, but I didn't know it at the time, she needed the money for tax, or something i forget exactly but she needed it. But I was at the make up section. So I walked over to the drinks section because thats where she was last. Keep in mind that this is not a smaallll store, but its not a big store. Its just like a medium store but not a WAL-MARRRT. you know? its like... 2 seven elevens lol. maybe 3 put together with aisles.
THEN i looked over to the register and she wasnt there, so i walked over to the make up section again and she wasnt there. i was all.. ok this is getting scary in a little whine outloud lol. just to be all making noise it case she heard me haha. NOT TO BE SERIOUS lol. but really it was hard to lose someone in this store.

so i went to the center aisle the intersected all of them, and walked back and forth. in case i saw her. because usually you see the ppl you need in the aisles looking down them, you know?
maybe for like a minute..
then jess came running up an aisle going OMG STAY IN ONE PLACE!
apparently the girl was staring at her and the guy was looking at her like an idiot. personally i think its just the way they look haha. but w/e :)
because she owed them money and couldnt leave until she gave them it. and iiii had the dollar lol. and as soon as the girl said oh there she goes, she bolted up the aisle to get me.. or rather the money so we could leave the store. then i came up the aisle laughing to myself. i found the whole situation rather funny. i mean we couldnt find each other in such a small store, its kind of funny.
then shes all i see that guy on the bus every day. im thinking ill see those people all the time next year but you know idc. you dont go to same school as them. at least whenever you make an appearance to the same school-goers or something you dont do something completely stupid apparently. or something worth going "omg lol" over.
then it became my fault that i didnt stay in one place. ok. then why didnt YOU stay in one place? ever hear of TEXTING? why didnt YOU call ME? i could have called you too. lots of things could happened.

it doesnt matter i dont think. laugh at yourself and then move on. its in the past and theres nothing you can do about it anyway except for dealing with it. and if dealing with it means blaming it on me then fine. blame away -_-

Sunday, May 17, 2009

po you're alive :) or we're both dead :\

OMG so busy lately it seems :) but not really? haha just seems like it i guess :)
my sister graduated so i was up really early that one day. rushing all over the house. really funny bc me and my sister and mom all running into each other in the hallway and going AH! our screams. meanwhile dad is just sitting there because hes going to the second part when everyone is going to walk up to the guy and actually get their diploma. i didnt really know what was going on. all i knew was that i was going to an early showing of my sisters graduation and that i had tickets. i thought i was special. and i thought i was going to the one where they actually walked up to it. but noooo they just stood up and went all OMG YAY! and it was so crowded but not really. BUT i saw a really special picture of billie joe armstrong on the wall because they have concerts there and i was all AH thats billie joe and explained to my sister while we we're finding our way around who he was but i don't think she was listening because she was all uh huh uh huh. the way she does when she just humors people haha. but still it was good to vent my fan girlishness. that was elizabeth.
STILL when cathy was all at the end was all do you still want your picture with billy joel armstrong i gasped of horror and shouted that there was no 'L' in a giant crowd of people outside.

then i helped with my moms end of year program. the theme was from a child's book, and there was a giant paper tree in the church sanctuary, on the stage curtain. it was pretty alright. i'm not good with any kids except for helping with carlos and only because he hates me. ha. so i only helped like with 'behind the scenes' or what have you. like the kitchen and when everyone was done watching the play thing they all went into the gym and ate, and i moved into the stage and cleaned up lol. its like bOOM you ain't seeing me!??
i had this idea for the vine and one of the teachers made me in charge of designing it and i was all "uhhh...". eventually it got done, haha. but at first i had speech and communication problems haha because i was all uh i dunno what ta do wit dis ting. yano?

now i have a question, why do people talk to certain people online, when they don't talk to them in person in real life? in just botherrrrs me. GAH. i mean i never see you -_- i'm not talk about anyone i've met through youtube or anything. gaaaah. maaaybe you just want to be friends with me (again apparently?) but stiiiill.. it's just odd to me. i mean gah. i say gah too much :\ haha i'm talking about someone else, but it could apply to me kinda sorta xD oh lordyyy.

meanwhile throughout the week i finally used the tie dye kit i got a bit ago :) i've made a shirt and pillow case HOLLAH!! practicing for all the shirts i'm going to make for the orders im (hopefully?) going to get for the online thing i'm going to set up somehow. i'm thinking district lines? but you have to send things in. gaah.

but districtlines i dunno if i'd trust them -_- i don't know much about them. :\ yea i think i'd just try and start my whole own thing or branch off of something else. maybe send something to mitchell davis :) haha. see what he thinks haha. OMG me and jess were talking about that and shes all send it to someone famous and be all can you talk about this? lol. i dont think it would work but ehh worth a shot you know? eh idc. i dont think i need someone famous to talk about me though. i think i just need my own work to speak for itself :) lol

so yeaaa. working on some designs, working on some other stuff working on some general schoolwork. summer plans. GAH almost summer. any summer ideaaaaas.... OMG MY DAD IS SO LOUD CHEWING

Friday, May 15, 2009

just woke up

had a really weird dream :\
i was in this really big store in a mall. i mean i didn't know anything about the mall, i hadn't seen it but you just knew ha. i only remember the last parts of the dream /: (BTW I REMEMBER NOW) (typing looking back) (it was seriously like, a fo real haunted house with bad rooms gaaah) (haunted hause? really?) (like me and some people were in this one room.. i forget what happened exactly...then like we escaped and went into the hallway then had to decide which door to go into next that way we could try and get out. from there it gets foggy, my memory that is. and i think i'm glad for that. but eventually we get to a store in a mall i forget the transition or it might've been one of those BOOM we're there things ha.

a guy who i havent seen since 2nd grade confessed his love for me i didn't quite believe him though. so i tried to get away. but i fell unto like clothes bc well its a store. that and he was annoying really. while i noticed on the other side of store a guy a know no who goes out with someone i know is all not able to go somewhere? (maybe he was all like trying to steal something from the store? lol) i tried to leave bc the 2nd grade guy is bothering me. -_- at the entrance though, its like a kkk thing is going on. but the other weird thing is there are lots of pipes in the center of the mall. like some might have fountains, some might have a garden this one had lots of intertwining pipes. and i guess it was way to travel now that i look back? i dunno. 2nd grade guy still following me.. -_- lol the kkk thing is all like 4 people in white robes that are stained with something. i dunno what though. theres a cop though. and im like WHOA i'm not moving man from the entrance. theres like a roadblock at the entrance though so i kind of keep moving. but yea i go the wrong way (yea its like kind of clear except for these people) people are on the other side and levels though. not many levels, maybe like 2 or 3. then like next thing i knew one of those BOOM it's there you know? in a dream the kkk like people who were quite threatening were on and in the pipes. from what i could gather from my dream you can travel on them? really odd 0o so they were all like holding on to them for dear life i mean i would, but i mean they weren't scared i forget what they were saying but one in particular was shouting and yelling. dunno anymore if it was death threats. maybe it was what they came to believe was the truth :\ hm.. never know. but i accidentally stepped on a pole and was all being pulled to them and looking back i find this funny cried out "OH SHIT" but then my heart was racing lol i was really scared. :) i think i exclaimed that remark quite a few times... then i was like really close to the person who was shouting, and then the person didn't really pay much attention to me bc i think they kept shouting. but i was like ahhh. theyre guna kill mehh. keep in mind that the 2nd grade guy has done nothing to try and save me lol. or maybe he has but i havent noticed... i dunno. ha pretty sure hasnt :) most likely was a trick :] then weirdly they all took credit cards and slid down the pole. that was weird. lol

this actually has enlightened me this dream :]
really relatable as strange as it is.. parts of it haha

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

just one of those long periods of times -_-

just feel like no ones there for a while -_-
and this one persons just not who i think that person is maybe. GAH you really can't trust anyone.
i don't like texting. everything is on record. and i know it is fer sure.

but no one believes me :( actuuually believes me. just thinks im crazy. which is nice :) you just know it is.

Sunday, May 3, 2009


so apparently my neighborhood, and the surrounding ones... have these descriptions of the people living inside them.
the one i live inside, we're looking for a fight and someone to beat up lol.
which i guess is somewhat true?? lol

but heres what ANNOYS me... whenever i'm with people i don't normally hang out with in my neighborhood at night we go why don't we go to a park? they go nahh we'll get jumped. pshh...

why don't they think that of me anyway?? lmao i'm not threatening enough haha

whatever happens at a park one time (getting jumped) they think will happen to them. which i mean they got their story wrong. OMG bothers me so much :| theyre so ridiculous. my neighborhood is much safer than the one they wanted to go in thats fer sure =] bahaha. the other one has rapists and pedofiles residing in it.

o lord what kind of place am i living in.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

a real blog thats worth calling me crazy :D

i never really know when i'm going to get a headache episode, or attack. they just sort of happen. usually at night when i'm about to go to sleep and i'm really tired. that state of mind. your head is pressurized like it's about to explode. you kind of lose sense of time, because it's kind of hard to look at a clock when your head is in your hands to try and even out the pressure somehow. it makes sense at the time haha. you also lose sense of time because everything is sped up in a weird way. its hard to listen to anything because it's magnified. and it hurts like ahhh. if i get up and walk around, i can but itll be over soon (the walking) because everything is sped up. i've had them for a while, so now i know when my stomach feels like its slowly revolving in nausea that it's going to be over soon. including the headache and the stomach thing. usually to deal with the pain i have to bite down on something and stare at my teeth while closing my eyelids. lol.. its weird. but it distracts me from it and it works and that makes it over quicker. then when the headache attack is over im all sleepy and barely remember it.

one time i was eating something while it happened and i was all chewing my sandwhich a mile a minute. it was funny =] also i was texting it was hilarious how fast i was texting ha

i'm not posting this to try and get pity. jee.
why i should be taken off this medicine because its a side effect i think. psh besides if its trying to stop this, then its not doing a very good job.

another reason why i should be taken off of this stupid medication that i absolutely hate
its making me paranoid. not that we all have levels of paranoia already, but its making me more so lol

random post about nothing in particular

so yea weight is bothering. i mean not me in particular but in general with people. GAH why does this BOTHER so many FRIKIN people!?!?? elvnlvewkjnv

it's just like the little green guy blubber on you, from the robin williams movie, BLUBBER! he's cute you can't deny it :) well i can't deny it ha. so it's like having a celebrity on you. who doesn't want to have a celebrity on them?

that sounds wrong.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

really "un-interesting"

me and sister just went jogging at night. it was soo dark and windy out haha.
got itunes gift card. me and sister went crazy looking for it last night trying to buy one before she went into the city. i had to buy a song for this thing lol. simple less boring version of story because im a boring story teller :)

then my mom didn't know i got one the next day from my sister over the phone, (the code) and bought me one on the way home...

so now i have $30 worth of itunes. haha

Sunday, April 26, 2009

not a meme

i have no idea how to blog :)
i think a band i really like right now is shiny toy guns.
i wish i was in a band.
i am a band person wannabe..
i need more sleep. but hourly arranged better.
i think why cant the world be a pop song?
..i stole that from john tucker must die..
i <3 shiny toy guns.
i miss the beach.
i miss summer.
i really want to go to a BBQ for no reason.
i wish i could go to NYC.
i have no idea how to finish this blog because i could go on forever ha

Monday, April 20, 2009


so another blog post for the month of april.
listening to a davedays cover of love story lol. its actually reeeeally good ^_^

dude this whole headache rating thing is annoying me. they go on a scale of one to ten? one being the least painful and ten being the worst painful experience you've had? and then when they say that to me i basically tell them well you know a headache isnt actually the worst painful experience one could have. i could be stabbed or shot by a gun or even tortured. although experiences and opinions could vary and that's probably why you asked me that question.. haha.

but yea. it just gets so tiring and after a while you just don't know what to say and they all become just numbers. and people just asking really annoying questions. getting all up in your bidness where they don't belong. ugh so annoying >=\
makes me want to punch another hole in a wall lol.

and i just LOVE how some people think im actually faking this whole headache thing. why just a an hour ago i had this headache episode ^_^. yea im not faking. although it might be the medicine i think personally.. psh i really hate this whole thing..

and then theres gnat. good old gnat Dx<

gaaah.... life is so complicated. maybe thats why i had an episode today. it was brought on by stress. my head feels like its about to explODE gah. omg i just want to go to sleep but im not tired. so many songs are playing in my head right now.. but i dont want to listen to anything which is sad.. because i love music.. and all i can hear is the noise of rain on my window which sounds so lame lmao.

dude im so sick and tired of this whole shitty situation called LIFE right now.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

hulification of youtube?

ok so youtube is changing.
changing you say?
yes changing.
gasp. is it going through that time of the month? NO!
it is getting a redesign, on april 16th. and the reason for this, is so "they can better monetize their site and catch up to industry standard."
[now seeing as i had no idea what the word "monetize" meant, i looked it up in the dictionary...
verb-"convert into or express in the form of currency."
adjective-"adapt (a society) to the use of money."]
putting two and two together..i figure they're just doing this for MONEY! :( wasn't youtube all about the community? the menu went, -Home, -Videos, -Channels, -Community.
And apparently the major change WILL be the menu bar. They're doing away with the current one, and redesigning it with one that looks an awful like the Hulu menu bar.
Instead of having Home & Videos & Channels & community, we'll have movies & music & tv shows & then a WHOLE GROUP FOR US. aren't we lucky?? apparently youtube is trying to "break free of its amateur and semi-professional videos".
in video ads.. dimming the lights around the page except for the video GAH this all sounds so stupid. why am i being so stubborn lol. i know its all going to happen anyway :)

i think i know why this is happening though.. if you look on the youtube wikipedia page.. yes i have looked up youtube on wikipedia i was bored.
you could read youtube's history-ish... it's kind of a silent struggle. like copyrighted material and stuff. i mean i never actually heard about this battle thing lol.

GASP now i understand youtube live! it was more of a goodbye than a celebration :)
it was like.. it had all the famous people, and they were all might as well give them something before we take something they probably hold so dear (youtube) away from them.
eh probably not.. lol

but yea it'll probably be like facebook. they give you the option (which they already have) many people will refUSE to use the option of the profile, but one night. you don't know when, they'll just change ALL the profiles overnight.
they're wiping us out. it's like an extermination :) they don't even care about us lol. when did they ever though? it's not like that whole.. theyre part of the community too.. they just.. built the website.. and we posted things.. i dont think i ever saw them. i just heard about them. THEYRE LIKE GOD. you just have faith that theyre there lol jk.
but seriouslyyy.......

maybe they don't even want to do this. maybe they are having little arguments like we are in the comments, but in theyre offices. some for, some against. i dunno. bc i think theyre just doing this for the company. tough times lol. economyyy you know. eh why m i giving excuses? eh im not giving excuses... just trying to think from different angles :)

they're so right. it's going to be called hulu tube.

for some more information, here's a link
got most of my info there ha
you can also click around hulu tube

i might make a vlogish thing i dunno. but this has covered some thoughts ^_^

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

nothing in particular

so i figured instead of using this whole blog everyday of april thing.. i'll just use it as blog more often haha. revolutionize and strategize. ha. i rhymed and it actually made sense... kind of?
okay so anyway, nothing really prepared to type today. just, going to blog.
you know it's weird i haven't actually.. blogged in a bit. back to.. the roooots i suppose. maybe that's what blog everyday in april is all about? i'm not sure. haha.

um.. so anyway. been having episodes of headaches. ugh. i really do not feel like explaining it in a blog because it's myy blog haha. so i'll just say its really extremely worse than any other headache in my entire EXISTENCE haha and well.. they're not going away :). you're not my doctor, so i don't have to say anything :) i get them every once in a while and.. it's kind of trrrippy dewey ha.. well not really trippy. (BAD TRIP BAD TRIP) i kind of just.. wanted to say that lol.

er... speaking of bad trips dewey cox, (walk hard), and movies.. i need to see v for vendetta because of coollikeblank and sunshine. ha.. i knew i had to but seriously when do i go to a blockbusterr... gahh maybe ill go to neighbors house and go through their cable movie thing and just like go like can i waatch moovie??

i wish i can go to warped tour =\ itd be awesome..
but i cant very well go by myself.. *sigh* omg i have no friends barely lol

is this what blogging is? whod want to read it. hahah...nigahiga is so right when he vlogged he was all, "i dont know what vlogging is, but i know people talk and nobody cares what they have to say."
thats what blogging is i think on some level xD
so i guess maybe thats why people vent .. they know people will never want to read it.. and never find out who they really are?
ehh who knows..

but YUP went to a psychologist today. talked for a bit didnt really keep track of time. bc my doctor said even with medication i wont get better unless i talk to someone. ha what is my best friend, chopped liver? omg that sounds so cliche.. that saying.
but yea. she was pretty nice. unlike the other ones i went to. she was younger so more talkable haha. i mean i could actually.. talk to her. not like a 60 year old man.. and not 40 year old woman. i dunno more relatable i guess? and i like how i get to pick out music for next time.
holy crrrrrrrap do i actually like this situation -_-

but i thought it was weird how she called the people she talked to people she "worked" with. seemed kind of... "cold" eh i dunno. seemed kind of, not really there. maybe you have to be somewhat disconnected from client otherwise you get all confused yourself?

this blog seems kind of long..

well i actually finished a song. usually i start a bunch of them. but i never finish them xD i am QUITE proud of myself :)
well i dunno we'll see haha. it was funny sounds in my head kept drifting in and out from how i wanted it to sound.. from death cab to cutie, to carrie underwood, to a day to remember, xD it was quite random. i mean it was over a course of two days.. but omg i love this song so much bc of the fact that i FINISHED IT lol and that .. i mean omg i love this song :) hopefully when i pick out chords and guitar stuff, or maybe ukulele stuff i dunno what ill do quite yet fer suure but yup. hopefulllly it wont sound stupid picking music sounds out :)
actually no matter what... it WILL sound stupid because ill hear it over and over again haha

so yea i think thats ill i want to say for today.

see you some other time this april :)

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

#2 got this post idea from a quote

[kind of forgot april 7. I WAS BUSY. gawrsh.]

"Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday" -anonymous

So I was rereading this book I bought a really long time ago, 'Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants'. In Anne Brashares book instead of titling each chapter, she has a quote. The above quotes was one of them.

This quote really stood out to me and made me think for a bit. (haha a bit; can't think fo no mo than that!)
It's just.. I kind of related, you know? Before you read the chapter anyway. Let's say you didn't read the book AT ALL. You're just reading the quote. (for those of you who read the book) But then again it's just me for right now just typing and I've read the book. . .and the quote. But thinking from a persons perspective who just read that quote and not the book i'll just go by that.

Let's move on.
I really related and thought about that quote for a bit before reading the chapter. I mean, she probably just wants you to read the quote and relate it to the chapter and character situations. Mayyybe perhaps relate it to your own situations, that could be a plus. I don't really know off hand, and that's not really what I'm trying to get at here.

so i worry about school work. learning what i need to learn. scheduling. worrying about friends. worrying about medicine. worrying about getting better. worrying about next year and if i'll be better. even tomorrow. worrying about college. worrying about my grades. worrying about about a lot of things.
dealing with these sorts of things, i sort of distract myself. find something better to do than worry myself. it could be a temporary distraction, or long term.
today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday.
think about that for a second.
i worry so much about tomorrow. it's going to arrive anyway. then it just becomes the past. i worried about this tomorrow yesterday. but it doesn't matter anymore. what matters now is today i think (for now haha). i might as well stop worrying about the day that i have with the people that are around for now. you know?

*sigh* just something i wanted to say.

Monday, April 6, 2009

back to belated school blues

am i late to the whole blog every day for the month of april?
yes. yes you are.
doi... sorry bout that. not that it mattered anyhoo. but i just wanted to say some thoughts that have been on my mind.

is this some sort of blues? i've been going back to school lately and i've been kind of blue. (dear lordy lordy alMIGHTY do NOT play that song that went im blue da dee dum or w/e lol) but yea i don't know.
it's like.. and i've always thought this, don't get me wrong but right now it's hard to igNore this thought pattern. GAH why do i think so much i hate it my friend is RIGHT i DO think too much ><
it's like.. every day i get up.. count down basically till i go to school.. and then when im at school.. count down till i can get home.. then count down till i watch certain tv shows..then count down till i do homework.. then count down till i sleep.. then count down till i go to school again.. and its all a big count down in general life is..gah im just wasting it away. not that school is a waste i mean. it really isnt. but sometimes i feel that my curriculum is too different from my nearby school i used to be enrolled in.

i miss the people from my school..but i dont even talk to them. WHY DO I MISS people i dont even talk to. do i miss theyre general appearance in the corner of my eye while i gaze out the window? lol. but why would i miss them? do i miss.. people in general? is that why im going to youthgroup & church more? i haaave kind of been disconnected from the world. or am i going because i want to be more spiritual and connected with god.. hm food for thought lol. i think id want to be more theoretically connected with god spiritually because of what happened with my grandmother..

siiigh. dont know how to describe today. other than feovnhiodubhiuhngnvk. counting down till tomorrow. was supposed to be going to the beach wednesday =\
but couldnt get anybody to take us there..
oh and apparently john green was near my city today. fun day today was.