a real blog thats worth calling me crazy :D

i never really know when i'm going to get a headache episode, or attack. they just sort of happen. usually at night when i'm about to go to sleep and i'm really tired. that state of mind. your head is pressurized like it's about to explode. you kind of lose sense of time, because it's kind of hard to look at a clock when your head is in your hands to try and even out the pressure somehow. it makes sense at the time haha. you also lose sense of time because everything is sped up in a weird way. its hard to listen to anything because it's magnified. and it hurts like ahhh. if i get up and walk around, i can but itll be over soon (the walking) because everything is sped up. i've had them for a while, so now i know when my stomach feels like its slowly revolving in nausea that it's going to be over soon. including the headache and the stomach thing. usually to deal with the pain i have to bite down on something and stare at my teeth while closing my eyelids. lol.. its weird. but it distracts me from it and it works and that makes it over quicker. then when the headache attack is over im all sleepy and barely remember it.

one time i was eating something while it happened and i was all chewing my sandwhich a mile a minute. it was funny =] also i was texting it was hilarious how fast i was texting ha

i'm not posting this to try and get pity. jee.
why i should be taken off this medicine because its a side effect i think. psh besides if its trying to stop this, then its not doing a very good job.

another reason why i should be taken off of this stupid medication that i absolutely hate
its making me paranoid. not that we all have levels of paranoia already, but its making me more so lol

random post about nothing in particular

so yea weight is bothering. i mean not me in particular but in general with people. GAH why does this BOTHER so many FRIKIN people!?!?? elvnlvewkjnv

it's just like the little green guy blubber on you, from the robin williams movie, BLUBBER! he's cute you can't deny it :) well i can't deny it ha. so it's like having a celebrity on you. who doesn't want to have a celebrity on them?

that sounds wrong.

really "un-interesting"

me and sister just went jogging at night. it was soo dark and windy out haha.
got itunes gift card. me and sister went crazy looking for it last night trying to buy one before she went into the city. i had to buy a song for this thing lol. simple less boring version of story because im a boring story teller :)

then my mom didn't know i got one the next day from my sister over the phone, (the code) and bought me one on the way home...

so now i have $30 worth of itunes. haha

not a meme

i have no idea how to blog :)
i think a band i really like right now is shiny toy guns.
i wish i was in a band.
i am a band person wannabe..
i need more sleep. but hourly arranged better.
i think why cant the world be a pop song?
..i stole that from john tucker must die..
i <3 shiny toy guns.
i miss the beach.
i miss summer.
i really want to go to a BBQ for no reason.
i wish i could go to NYC.
i have no idea how to finish this blog because i could go on forever ha

blah

so another blog post for the month of april.
listening to a davedays cover of love story lol. its actually reeeeally good ^_^

dude this whole headache rating thing is annoying me. they go on a scale of one to ten? one being the least painful and ten being the worst painful experience you've had? and then when they say that to me i basically tell them well you know a headache isnt actually the worst painful experience one could have. i could be stabbed or shot by a gun or even tortured. although experiences and opinions could vary and that's probably why you asked me that question.. haha.

but yea. it just gets so tiring and after a while you just don't know what to say and they all become just numbers. and people just asking really annoying questions. getting all up in your bidness where they don't belong. ugh so annoying >=\
makes me want to punch another hole in a wall lol.

and i just LOVE how some people think im actually faking this whole headache thing. why just a an hour ago i had this headache episode ^_^. yea im not faking. although it might be the medicine i think personally.. psh i really hate this whole thing..

and then theres gnat. good old gnat Dx<

gaaah.... life is so complicated. maybe thats why i had an episode today. it was brought on by stress. my head feels like its about to explODE gah. omg i just want to go to sleep but im not tired. so many songs are playing in my head right now.. but i dont want to listen to anything which is sad.. because i love music.. and all i can hear is the noise of rain on my window which sounds so lame lmao.

dude im so sick and tired of this whole shitty situation called LIFE right now.

hulification of youtube?

ok so youtube is changing.
changing you say?
yes changing.
gasp. is it going through that time of the month? NO!
it is getting a redesign, on april 16th. and the reason for this, is so "they can better monetize their site and catch up to industry standard."
[now seeing as i had no idea what the word "monetize" meant, i looked it up in the dictionary...
verb-"convert into or express in the form of currency."
adjective-"adapt (a society) to the use of money."]
putting two and two together..i figure they're just doing this for MONEY! :( wasn't youtube all about the community? the menu went, -Home, -Videos, -Channels, -Community.
And apparently the major change WILL be the menu bar. They're doing away with the current one, and redesigning it with one that looks an awful like the Hulu menu bar.
Instead of having Home & Videos & Channels & community, we'll have movies & music & tv shows & then a WHOLE GROUP FOR US. aren't we lucky?? apparently youtube is trying to "break free of its amateur and semi-professional videos".
in video ads.. dimming the lights around the page except for the video GAH this all sounds so stupid. why am i being so stubborn lol. i know its all going to happen anyway :)

i think i know why this is happening though.. if you look on the youtube wikipedia page.. yes i have looked up youtube on wikipedia i was bored.
you could read youtube's history-ish... it's kind of a silent struggle. like copyrighted material and stuff. i mean i never actually heard about this battle thing lol.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Youtube

GASP now i understand youtube live! it was more of a goodbye than a celebration :)
it was like.. it had all the famous people, and they were all might as well give them something before we take something they probably hold so dear (youtube) away from them.
eh probably not.. lol

but yea it'll probably be like facebook. they give you the option (which they already have) many people will refUSE to use the option of the profile, but one night. you don't know when, they'll just change ALL the profiles overnight.
they're wiping us out. it's like an extermination :) they don't even care about us lol. when did they ever though? it's not like that whole.. theyre part of the community too.. they just.. built the website.. and we posted things.. i dont think i ever saw them. i just heard about them. THEYRE LIKE GOD. you just have faith that theyre there lol jk.
but seriouslyyy.......

maybe they don't even want to do this. maybe they are having little arguments like we are in the comments, but in theyre offices. some for, some against. i dunno. bc i think theyre just doing this for the company. tough times lol. economyyy you know. eh why m i giving excuses? eh im not giving excuses... just trying to think from different angles :)

they're so right. it's going to be called hulu tube.


for some more information, here's a link http://www.leateds.com/2009/youtube-redesign/
got most of my info there ha
you can also click around hulu tube

i might make a vlogish thing i dunno. but this has covered some thoughts ^_^

nothing in particular

so i figured instead of using this whole blog everyday of april thing.. i'll just use it as blog more often haha. revolutionize and strategize. ha. i rhymed and it actually made sense... kind of? okie..wow.
okay so anyway, nothing really prepared to type today. just, going to blog.
you know it's weird i haven't actually.. blogged in a bit. back to.. the roooots i suppose. maybe that's what blog everyday in april is all about? i'm not sure. haha.

um.. so anyway. been having episodes of headaches. ugh. i really do not feel like explaining it in a blog because it's myy blog haha. so i'll just say its really extremely worse than any other headache in my entire EXISTENCE haha and well.. they're not going away :). you're not my doctor, so i don't have to say anything :) i get them every once in a while and.. it's kind of trrrippy dewey ha.. well not really trippy. (BAD TRIP BAD TRIP) i kind of just.. wanted to say that lol.

er... speaking of bad trips dewey cox, (walk hard), and movies.. i need to see v for vendetta because of coollikeblank and sunshine. ha.. i knew i had to but seriously when do i go to a blockbusterr... gahh maybe ill go to neighbors house and go through their cable movie thing and just like go like can i waatch moovie??

i wish i can go to warped tour =\ itd be awesome..
but i cant very well go by myself.. *sigh* omg i have no friends barely lol

is this what blogging is? whod want to read it. hahah...nigahiga is so right when he vlogged he was all, "i dont know what vlogging is, but i know people talk and nobody cares what they have to say."
thats what blogging is i think on some level xD
so i guess maybe thats why people vent .. they know people will never want to read it.. and never find out who they really are?
ehh who knows..

but YUP went to a psychologist today. talked for a bit didnt really keep track of time. bc my doctor said even with medication i wont get better unless i talk to someone. ha what is my best friend, chopped liver? omg that sounds so cliche.. that saying.
but yea. she was pretty nice. unlike the other ones i went to. she was younger so more talkable haha. i mean i could actually.. talk to her. not like a 60 year old man.. and not 40 year old woman. i dunno more relatable i guess? and i like how i get to pick out music for next time.
holy crrrrrrrap do i actually like this situation -_-

but i thought it was weird how she called the people she talked to people she "worked" with. seemed kind of... "cold" eh i dunno. seemed kind of, not really there. maybe you have to be somewhat disconnected from client otherwise you get all confused yourself?

this blog seems kind of long..

well i actually finished a song. usually i start a bunch of them. but i never finish them xD i am QUITE proud of myself :)
well i dunno we'll see haha. it was funny sounds in my head kept drifting in and out from how i wanted it to sound.. from death cab to cutie, to carrie underwood, to a day to remember, xD it was quite random. i mean it was over a course of two days.. but omg i love this song so much bc of the fact that i FINISHED IT lol and that .. i mean omg i love this song :) hopefully when i pick out chords and guitar stuff, or maybe ukulele stuff i dunno what ill do quite yet fer suure but yup. hopefulllly it wont sound stupid picking music sounds out :)
actually no matter what... it WILL sound stupid because ill hear it over and over again haha

so yea i think thats ill i want to say for today.

see you some other time this april :)
-me

#2 got this post idea from a quote

[kind of forgot april 7. I WAS BUSY. gawrsh.]

"Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday" -anonymous

So I was rereading this book I bought a really long time ago, 'Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants'. In Anne Brashares book instead of titling each chapter, she has a quote. The above quotes was one of them.

This quote really stood out to me and made me think for a bit. (haha a bit; can't think fo no mo than that!)
It's just.. I kind of related, you know? Before you read the chapter anyway. Let's say you didn't read the book AT ALL. You're just reading the quote. (for those of you who read the book) But then again it's just me for right now just typing and I've read the book. . .and the quote. But thinking from a persons perspective who just read that quote and not the book i'll just go by that.


Let's move on.
I really related and thought about that quote for a bit before reading the chapter. I mean, she probably just wants you to read the quote and relate it to the chapter and character situations. Mayyybe perhaps relate it to your own situations, that could be a plus. I don't really know off hand, and that's not really what I'm trying to get at here.

so i worry about school work. learning what i need to learn. scheduling. worrying about friends. worrying about medicine. worrying about getting better. worrying about next year and if i'll be better. even tomorrow. worrying about college. worrying about my grades. worrying about about a lot of things.
dealing with these sorts of things, i sort of distract myself. find something better to do than worry myself. it could be a temporary distraction, or long term.
today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday.
think about that for a second.
i worry so much about tomorrow. it's going to arrive anyway. then it just becomes the past. i worried about this tomorrow yesterday. but it doesn't matter anymore. what matters now is today i think (for now haha). i might as well stop worrying about the day that i have with the people that are around for now. you know?

*sigh* just something i wanted to say.

back to belated school blues

am i late to the whole blog every day for the month of april?
yes. yes you are.
doi... sorry bout that. not that it mattered anyhoo. but i just wanted to say some thoughts that have been on my mind.

is this some sort of blues? i've been going back to school lately and i've been kind of blue. (dear lordy lordy alMIGHTY do NOT play that song that went im blue da dee dum or w/e lol) but yea i don't know.
it's like.. and i've always thought this, don't get me wrong but right now it's hard to igNore this thought pattern. GAH why do i think so much i hate it my friend is RIGHT i DO think too much ><
it's like.. every day i get up.. count down basically till i go to school.. and then when im at school.. count down till i can get home.. then count down till i watch certain tv shows..then count down till i do homework.. then count down till i sleep.. then count down till i go to school again.. and its all a big count down in general life is..gah im just wasting it away. not that school is a waste i mean. it really isnt. but sometimes i feel that my curriculum is too different from my nearby school i used to be enrolled in.

i miss the people from my school..but i dont even talk to them. WHY DO I MISS people i dont even talk to. do i miss theyre general appearance in the corner of my eye while i gaze out the window? lol. but why would i miss them? do i miss.. people in general? is that why im going to youthgroup & church more? i haaave kind of been disconnected from the world. or am i going because i want to be more spiritual and connected with god.. hm food for thought lol. i think id want to be more theoretically connected with god spiritually because of what happened with my grandmother..

siiigh. dont know how to describe today. other than feovnhiodubhiuhngnvk. counting down till tomorrow. was supposed to be going to the beach wednesday =\
but couldnt get anybody to take us there..
oh and apparently john green was near my city today. fun day today was.